The Tale of a Mouse

Here is a little fable about a mouse and his troubles....


A mouse looked through the crack
in the wall to see the farmer and
his wife open a package.

What food might this contain?'
The mouse wondered - - -
he was devastated to discover it
was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard,
the mouse proclaimed the warning :
There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!'

The chicken clucked and scratched,
raised her head and said,
'Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern
to you, but it is of no consequence
to me. I cannot be bothered by it.'

The mouse turned to
the pig and told him,
'There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!'
The pig sympathized, but said, I am
so very sorry, Mr.Mouse, but there
is nothing I can do about it but pray.
Be assured you are in my prayers.'

The mouse turned to
the cow and said
'There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!'
The cow said, 'Wow, Mr. Mouse.
I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin
off my nose.'

So, the mouse returned to the
house, head down and dejected,
to face the farmer's mousetrap . . .
alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout
the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching
its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see
what was caught. In the darkness,
she did not see it was a venomous
snake whose tail the trap had caught.
The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital,
and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever
with fresh chicken soup, so the
farmer took his hatchet to the
farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.
But his wife's sickness continued,
so friends and neighbors came to
sit with her around the clock.
To feed them, the farmer
butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well;
she died.

So many people came for her funeral,
the farmer had the cow slaughtered to
provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from
his crack in the wall with great sadness.



The next time you hear someone
is facing a problem and think it
doesn't concern you,

remember ----

when one of us is threatened,
we are all at risk.


here's the rest of the advice the viral email forward included
(which is more appropriate than usual)

We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra
effort to encourage one another.


Each of us is a vital thread on another person's tapestry
Our lives are woven together for a reason.




I'm happy to be here to lend a hand when you've got a problem...

*love*

Worth a closer look...

It turns out that this upcomming week happens to be Special Education week (it something that I would celebrate DURING the school year... but I dont make the rules...). I would like to encourage you to spread awareness about mental, emotional and physical disabilities if you can.

One of the ways that you can do that is to watch this video, and share either it, or the information contained within it with at least one other person....



Thank you to Lauren Jane for bringing it to my attention.

*love*

An exploration of pride...

Pride is an interesting thing as it is interpreted in so many different ways. To some it is a virtue held in high regard; to others it is a sin and the place from which man takes the greatest fall. Here’s what I mean:

Aristotle included pride in his Nichomachean Ethics as “greatness of soul”. In excess pride can lead to vanity. Aristotle explained that all people should have a healthy dose of pride in their personality because for him, pride relates to honour. If you are not familiar with Aristotle the thing to note here is that pride fits in as a piece of a whole system of virtues and pride is not a ruler, but must be ruled by the principal of temperance where the virtuous person takes the mean route, and not a passage of excess or deficiency – therefore pride must not be come a dominant trait.

Nietzsche saw pride as the thing that keeps us out of the grips of slavery. Pride is the acknowledgement of goodness and nobility within ourselves and this acknowledgement is what keeps human being from being subservient.

In Christian philosophy, Pride is listed as one of the seven deadly sins. Many theologians believe pride to be the worst sin because it is from pride that the other sins are birthed. It is pride (loving yourself so much that you begin to see others as other and less than) that prompted Lucifer to compete with God, and ultimately fall from heaven.

In Eastern philosophies pride is seen as a negative trait that leads to inflation of the ego. Pride inflates a person into thinking that they are special and is the root cause of all suffering pain and fear. Eastern religions urge people to let go of their pride to be more connected to their own, and their fellow soul.

In Spanish there are two words use to describe pride: Orgullo and Soberbia. Orgullo is the pride that Aristotle and Nietzsche talk about – the pride that is felt when you accomplish something or you are part of something that makes you feel good. Soberbia, in contrast, is the pride that puts the self before all else, and overrides good judgement.

Here are examples of what has been said about pride:

The good
Annon - “Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity.”
Paul Bryant (NFL coach)- “Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself.”
Gary Ryan Blair (motivational speaker) “Discipline is based on pride, on meticulous attention to details, and on mutual respect and confidence. Discipline must be a habit so ingrained that it is stronger than the excitement of the goal or the fear of failure.”



The Bad
Proverb - “Pride comes before a fall”
The Bible - “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom”
John Ruskin (English writer) - “In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes.”
Thomas Fuller (clergy) “Pride will spit in pride's face.”
Thomas Jefferson (3rd US president) - “Pride costs more than hunger, thirst and cold.”
C.S. Lewis - “A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you're looking down, you can't see something that's above you.”

What I think....
I tend to see pride as a problem. I agree with Eastern philosophies that pride commits a person to thinking that they are special and therefore better than those around them. Like in C.S. Lewis’s thought about pride, having pride is like having on blinders that keep you from seeing other greatness around you. pride is the route of all prejudice. Pride also precludes us from realizing our own faults and short comings. I do think that we should all be praised for our successes, and we should have positive thoughts about our accomplishments and our personal achievements, but this too should be governed by temperance (as Aristotle taught) and matched with Humility. We should all also have the time and space to acknowledge and reflect on our personal faults because it is this reflection the leads to personal betterment. I think it is unbridled pride that gets us into the most amount of trouble, and causes the most problems – if we all have inflated ideas of ourselves there is not enough room for us all to co-exist.

Here are the pride quotes that really resonate with me, and illustrate how I feel about pride:
Hebrew proverb - “Pride is the mask we make of our faults”
Annon - “Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.”
Anonn - “No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride”
Most importantly…
Proverb - “It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.” (This is for you, whether you are reading or not.)

*love*

Down with FedEx.

As canadians most of us will take an unfavourable answer if it's candy coated in sorries and I hope you understands, but this is disrespect...

about a month ago I wrote a letter to FedEx asking if they would be willing the compensate the expense of shipping 6 digital cameras from Toronto to Ukraine to be used by the girls in the orphanage. then I wrote 3 follow up letters checking in on the status of my request. I am extremely disappointed in the way they responded. Here is their formulaic response letter to me, and my response back. Please think about this episode the next time you need to ship something.....

the Fedex response after over a month....

Dear Denise,

Thank you for your letter offering Federal Express Canada Ltd. the opportunity to provide donated/discounted shipping in support of your initiative in the Ukraine.

Your letter was forwarded to me by our customer service department, as I am responsible for FedEx corporate social responsibility programs in Canada.

I'm sorry to say that FedEx will not be able to offer support at this time.

As I'm sure you can appreciate, we receive numerous charitable, sponsorship and advertising requests from employees, customers and the general public. Unfortunately, with limited resources, we are unable to assist all those who ask for and merit our assistance.

As such, we have chosen to limit our support to very specific groups/causes in order to meet with our corporate strategy and communication/marketing objectives.

To learn more about the work we do in the community and the organizations we support, please visit http://www.fedex.com/ca_english/about/eventandsponsor/.

Thank you again for considering FedEx. We wish you great success.
Sincerely,
Stephen Anderson / stephen.anderson@fedex.com
SENIOR COMMUNICATIONS SPECIALIST, COMMUNITY OUTREACH
_____________________________________________________________
T 905.212.5374 / 1.877.363.6316
F 905.212.5670
M 416.553.6806


MY response...

Hello Stephen,

Although I am sure that this does not relate personally to you (please forward to customer service, or any other department that may handle this), it is really disappointing that this is the response I have received from Federal Express Canada. Your response letter is disappointing for two reasons, having very little to do with saying no.

The first reason that your letter is disappointing is that it is a formulaic letter. I expect generic copy and paste letters for companies that respond within 24 to 48 hours to a sponsorship request - not companies that take over a month to respond to a request. I would have expected something a little bit more original with over a month to think about this. It is a shame that this is the level of customer service that Federal Express thinks is sufficient.

The second reason that this is extremely disappointing is length of time it has taken for a response to be received. The reason that I contacted Federal Express in the first place is so that we could get the cameras to the girls at the orphanage much quicker than ground post (which is till slightly over what my budget allows for). I have waited over a month for a reply in which time the cameras could have been sent, and received. The time it has taken you to send a formulaic response letter is time that has been taken away from very important people. It is a shame that this was of such low priority, and that your company can not appreciate the importance of doing something good for someone else. With the time you have taken to respond, you have essentially robbed these 60 girls of a wonderful opportunity to learn a new skill, and enjoy a tiny bit of enrichment in their grim and dreary lives.

I am very much used to hearing "no" from companies; when you are in the business of asking for charity, no must be a response you are ok with hearing. I am a mere drop in the bucket of corporate giving - I offer no banner space, or mutual advertising/exposure. It is not a good PR move to help me out because no one, really, will ever know - so I understand. This isn't about the "no" response. Your response to my request says two things to me: 1) it says that Federal Express Canada does not really actually value the work that its customers are engaged in on a community level, and 2) Federal express does not see the customer as a number one priority. These two facts are saddening to learn because I always rely on Federal Express for my shipping needs, but now know that your "Choose FedEx to experience outstanding customer service" tag line is not the reality of the company. As a customer I feel unappreciated, and disrespected because of the way you have handled this request. I do understand that you receive may request for donations, and have an appreciating for limited resources, but I really think that you could have handled this request much much better.

I would like to let you know that you have lost a customer because of this incident, and I intend to let all my donors and friends know about the length of time it took to respond, the way in which you responded, and what your response was. Again, I am extremely disappointed with this whole situation. I will be using another company for my shipping needs to get the cameras to Ukraine, and for anything else beyond that.

I do hope that you improve your customer service practices.

--
Denise Soueidan-O'Leary
www.cookieswithacause.webs.com
http://www.sju.ca/beyondborders.html
http://universitasviator.blogspot.com/

STRESS

Felix and I have parties. We have lots of parties. We have lots of big parties with lots of people. I create a theme for each party. Every party has a different theme. Every theme involves everything at the party being related to the theme (invitations, food, decorations, plates, thank yous, loot bags/take home gifts). Before every party we have a huge fight and both of us threaten to call all of the guests (usually between 40-60ppl) and cancel the party. Felix and I then have a party.

The fights we have had in the past are comical in hindsight. One, in particular, comes to mind… a few Christmases ago we were hosting our annual Christmas party. There are a few traditions we carry through all of our parties and one happens to be cupcakes. This Christmas I have found and bought Christmas themed cupcake cups and put them away somewhere for safe keeping. Fast forward. Day of the party, 4 hours before guests arrive: I need to make the cupcakes so they can cool and can be iced before the party, but first I need my Christmas cupcake cups… “Felix, hunny, where are the Christmas muffin cups I bought last month?” (Felix used to have a wonderful answer to questions like this) “I don’t know” he replied and walked away and so began a HUGE blow out. We fought in the house about the cupcakes, we fought in the hallway about who was calling everyone, we fought in the parking garage about who was gonna get to storm off in an angry huff (I won this one as I had the car keys). I went to a friend’s, cooled down and eventually returned home with a snack for Felix accompanied by his favourite bottle of wine. We had a splendid evening, and no one noticed that the cupcakes were NOT baked in Christmas cups. We found the cupcake cups a year and a half later as we were packing up our condo to move, and we laughed.

Today was a Holiday in Ukraine (I don’t know which holiday, I know the church was open… they have LOTS of holidays here). The family has been in a tizzy for 3 days getting ready to have a small dinner party. Including the family, there was to be 10 people sitting around the dinner table, and I think we cooked enough food for 40; including, but not limited to a full cow heart – ventricles and all! There was a lot of work to do today, and the clock was ticking away. I was aware of a potential storm brewing last night as I was up on the computer waitint to talk to felix and Mama was pacing back and fourth – she was in pain she said – and I worried about her lack of sleep the night before the big day.

I was right, about 2 hours before the scheduled arrival of our guests the apartment erupted – apparently all 4 of the white table cloths had been forgotten about, and for some reason at the moment the iron was not working. It was a catastrophe. There were tears, and yelling, and slamming and stomping. I was struggling to follow along at the beginning, and eventually excused myself to my room as I decided it was a family moment ad my being there might provoke more stress by heaping on embarrassment to the pile.

Once things had calmed down a little bit and the stomping and slamming turned into weeping I emerged and tried to disarm the situation – in broken Ukrainian I tried to explain that it really wants a HUGE deal, and there was nothing we could do about it now. My message didn’t really get across I was told that I didn’t understand how important it was to have a white table cloth in Ukraine… I still thought it was a small detail (and when I tried to explain this she thought I was telling her that she was acting like a little child, rather than telling here it was a small detail – but this wasn’t my worst language blunder of the day…).

I have to say it was so interesting to be on the outside of this one. To watch temperatures and stress levels rise and finally peak. I tracked the warning signs and could relate with every stage of the stress. But the most interesting part was realizing that the things that trigger these stress blowups are usually soooooo unbelievably trivial and inconsequential. I know that if I was mama and someone told me what I was telling her I’d want to smack them (I’d probably want to do more violent things to them, but I wont detail those here), and there would be no sense in trying to calm me down. But seeing it from a spectators perspective lent a whole new lens to these stress situations.

What I realized is how silly these fights look from the outside – really? That kind of a fight over MUFFIN CUPS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? When I am in these situations I say and do exactly the same things. Blowing up doesn’t solve the problem it just makes everyone feel like crap. The striking realization was how silly one looks when engaged in this kind of behavior… and I don’t think I ever want to look like this ever again! The tears and the stomping and the slamming and th yelling didn’t get mama her white table cloth, and they didn’t find me my muffin cups. In the end we both just lost time, and had to take up more time being the puppy with our tail between our legs apologizing to the people around us who we abused.

I guess the bottom line is that no one is immune to stress, and it really is all in the way we handle it. Realizing that these stressful situations cause me to act like a child and abuse the people I love over trivial b*llsh*t is a good thing, and will hopefully give me pause to think about my actions the next party we have (it’s looking like thanksgiving for anyone who’s interested…). It was a neat learning experience… And turned out to be a great dinner even with the blue table cloth.

Looking forward to the next (fight free) party

*love*

They all placed bets….

My friends and family (yes you!) all placed bets wagering on how long it would take me to decide to bring home an orphan, and also how many I would come home with… most were utterly astonished that it has taken me this long to profess my intention to bring home an orphan. I wanna know who won what....

It took me 59 days – just under two months – to post that I wanted to bring home (at least) one of the kids from the Internat – and there are two that if given the opportunity, I would pack in my suitcase.

There are two valid questions here 1) why did it take me this long, and 2)why would I like to bring home an orphan.

The first question is what everyone is wondering. I am not sure I can fully answer that right now and I think I will suggest that you stay tuned to future posts because there’s something big brewing; I’m just waiting to my brain to finish processing…. But I will say that this is partially due to a language barrier that has prevented the type of bonding I was initially expecting, and it has taken this long (2 months) for strong bonds and connections to really come to fruition… but more on this upcoming…

The second question. This will also make much more sense after the next couple blogs but I am ready to post this one, not those ones…

So the two girls I would bring home with me are Ira, and Rosa. Who they are is intertwined with why I want to bring them home. I do not feel a strong “family” type connection with these girls. I care about them but not any more that the other girls (ok, maybe a LITTLE bit) but there is something special about these two. I think it’s partially their receptiveness to learning, their ability to problem solve, and be flexible, and how they perform when given a task. They are bright, trusting, and most importantly willing.

Ira has been my life line. She sticks close by me and helps to break down some of the language barriers. She is always looking for ways to help explain words that I don’t understand and simplifies things that the other kids say to me. She is there to help explain activities, and has taught me quite a few new words and concepts. This is a challenging task for a 13 year old. You need to have a grasp of the language and be flexible in your usage of words and meanings. I think she is one of very few of the girls that has this level of mental functioning. I am very much concerned that she is not being stimulated enough at the Internat.

As for Rosa, she is quiet, but keen. She is interested in learning new things and always seeks reassurance and approval. She does not have Ira’s level of mental functioning, but what she lacks in ability she makes up for with tenacity. I enjoy teaching her new things and watching her gain confidence as she struggles, learns and masters whatever it is she is doing. The thing that pulls at my heart the most is that (I am going out on a HUGE limb here) in watching Rosa I think that living in a hetronormative/homonegative environment may be problematic for Rosa as she ages.

Wanting to bring these two girls home is not because I want to collect a gaggle of international children (a la Angelina), and it’s not even because I’m DYING to be a parent; it is really more for their own sake. I think that these are the two girls, out of all of the children at the Internat, that have the ability to adapt to the move and possess the qualities necessary for them to flourish in Canadian society. To bring them to Canada would be opening up a world of possibility for them, and allowing them opportunities that they can not even dream about while living in an institution in Ukraine. For Ira it is the potential for mental stimulation, and perhaps even a long an fruitful educational career. For Rosa it is partially the mental stimulation, but also being able to live in a culture that allows her to express herself, and encourages her to become herown person. This isn’t to say that the other girls are not worth of opportunity, but I don’t think all of them are capable of making the same kind of drastic life change (i.e. moving to a whole different country/life/family…).

The Internat is a place that, in my mind, is devoid of anything remotely resembling opportunity. It is the antithesis of opportunity. I feel like there is a great big neon sign at the driveway flashing a garish “DEAD END” to anyone who cares to steal a glance. It would be my greatest joy to be able to liberate all of the girls from their purgative sentences there, but there seems to be a greater urgency for some, like Ira and Rosa, than others.

Felix made it very clear that the only things allowed I my suitcase were non living items, and I have no choice but to listen at this point… BUT let it be know that if I had the means of supporting these two wonderful girls, I would be filling in adoption papers rather than posting this blog.

*love*

Beauty is more than what's outside.... it's about lessons.

For some people at the Internat (nurses/workers) it is a job that pays money, and at the end of the day they go home. There are others, the rare gems that work there, and for them it is about enriching the lives of the girls. Bogdan is one such gem. He is kind of like a grandfather figure to the girls – teaching them songs, music, poems. I have “caught” him bring the girls fresh picked fruit, or candies of other little treats. Bogdan regularly tries to come up with events, or activities that will be new, interesting and stimulating for the girls. He loves to teach them new songs, and new dances and tries to find opportunities for them to showcase their talents. Bogdan really likes when the Canadian Students arrive because they are always full of new ideas for new moves, new events, and other ways to stimulate and enrich the lives of the Girls at the orphanage.

Through the translator that was with me for the first couple of days, Bogdan asked if I would help organize a few big events for the girls – I fully committed myself. Bogdan also asked if I would be willing to buy some materials for costumes and props if we staged a performance – and of course I agreed. Then Bogdan began to share some of his ideas – he wants to have a music night – wonderful! He wants to teach the girls some new dance moves – I can’t wait! He wants my ideas – I’m interested in having an “art show” and he saved the best for last – at the end of the summer he wants to have an INTERNAT BEAUTY COMPETITION!!! The sound of my heart hitting the floor was audible….

So Bogdan asked if I would be willing to buy the prizes for this beauty competition. SURE I’m up for buying prizes… no I’m not ok with supporting a beauty competition.

So at first I though about how we would go about choosing a winner. Who would be the judges, and what would the criteria be? And then I thought about prizing – how would it work? Could we give everyone a prize for being “beautiful”? Could everyone get a prize for being the “most beautiful” in their own category? Like she has the most beautiful eyes, she has the most beautiful smile, she has the most beautiful clothes…and still I found I was uncomfortable with the whole idea. It wasn’t about the prizes, it was deeper than that…

Ok, let me give you a vision from my first week at the orphanage (oh gosh I wish I had Dumbledore’s memory sieve…) the kids are pretty much left to their own devices from June 1st till September 1st as it is summer vacation and there are no formal lessons. The kids are allowed to mill about the grounds plying with balls, taking walks, gardening or whatever else suits them. At about one o’clock various shouts ring out ЇСТИ (yeeeestayyyyy – Eat!) it’s lunch time. The first time I half expected to be bowled over by the rush of kids into the dining hall, but this wasn’t the case. The younger kids went running, but many of the older girls (13-19) were adamant that they were not interested in lunch. For the next couple days I observed the younger kids go running, and the older kids hang their heads and skulk off. When I asked them why they didn’t want to eat they looked away and told me Я не хотчу (ya neh hotchu – I don’t want to) but didn’t go into any other explanation. The next time my translator was with me, I made sure we were there at lunch time, and asked if he knew anything about this strange occurrence. Orest didn’t have to ask, apparently this had been going on for a while – they all want to be on diets!

Ok, now come back to the proposal of a beauty contest. The orphanage is removed from society. The girls are not even a little bit integrated into the society at large. They live in seclusion with older women as their teachers and role models. Their only connection to the “outside world” is the occasional field trip, and (heaven help us) television – and from that they have already gleaned that they need to be skinny and beautiful in order to be “normal”. We have accepted that this idea exists in our western culture and society, but for some reason it is so much more disturbing that this value system has infected this remote location as well.

I felt guilty that I was so opposed to an “innocent” idea that was intended to be fun and enjoyable for the girls. I realized that Bogdan only had the girls’ best interest at heart, but there was still something nagging… So after a couple hours of pondering and reflection I realized why it is that the idea of a beauty contest didn’t sit right with me: it’s not about judging and choosing a winner. It wasn’t about the prizes: sure we can give everyone a prize and make them feel good about that special quality that they possess (although part of me thinks that the girls aren’t stupid and would catch on…). I realized that my issue was much more big picture. To host an event like a beauty pageant encourages the girls to be “beautiful” in whatever way they think beauty is best defined – undoubtly their idea of what is beautiful has been propagated and poisoned by television. The fact that the people they look up to, care for and respect (Bogdan and the “Canadian Students”) are the ones suggesting this event also suggests that we hold in beauty high regard – as something to be strived for an achieved. Although the event may be enjoyable for the girls in the moment, the longer lasting life lessons that this type of event teaches them (I think) is unbelievably damaging.

Yes I am here (in Ukraine, at the orphanage) to help enrich the lives of the girls, but I am convinced that this type of event is NOT at all enriching and I would be more comfortable with not organizing an event at ALL rather than organizing this type of event. I have suggested that instead of having a “beauty pageant” we stage a talent contest, or an art show that focuses the girls on attaining skills rather than striving for “beauty”.

Am I just a stick in the mud? (I'd love to hear from you....)

*love*