If you think back…. Waaaaaaaay back you might remember that I had zero interest in coming to Ukraine. I was dead set against it when it was first suggested to me as an option. I remember saying to felix at some point “I cant believe how hard I’ve worked for something I don’t even want!” I warmed up a little bit to the idea of coming when I learned I”d be travelling with a dear friend – and then I learned that I would in fact be travelling alone! The beginning of March was interesting as I dealt with the idea of going to Ukraine and going alone.
The other day I applied for a job that would keep me in Ukraine for another 7 months. I actually applied for the job specifically so that I could stay here for another 7 months. I feel like it’s necessary to explain how I went from not wanting to come here at all to not ever wanting to leave. I could go into a whole bunch of explanation, but at the very crux of the issue is a single decision.
In march, I struggled with the placement country, and the placement position, I struggled with travelling alone, and I struggled with a few other “omens” that pointed away from Ukraine, but I also struggled with the idea that I signed up for the program to help. I believe that helping others is a selfless act (I don’t think that we need to argue that point…). Generally I am committed to helping in whatever capacity I can, and that extends to things I might not enjoy doing. Helping, to me, is really about doing that which is needed, rather than that which s enjoyed. I noticed that I was struggling with things that were really self interested - I was actually disappointed that I was allowing my own selfishness to cloud an opportunity to help (again, the exact reason why I signed up for the program). This realization precipitated my decision: I decided in March to make the absolute best of every moment of this experience – the Accentuate the Positive, if you will.
I took on the responsibility of looking at everything about my trip and my experience through rose coloured spectacles. I can not tell you the effect this has had on every moment of every day. I was able to see things in a whole new light: Leaving Felix was an opportunity to prove how much we care for each other; stopovers, delays and other ridiculousness on the way here was an excuse for unplanned adventure; losing my luggage on the flight meant I didn’t have to worry about 2 suitcases etc. one of my favourite moments from Ternopil involves the Ternopil rain: it rained for the first 35 days I was here – like every day there was rain without exception. Living in a grey gloomy city can get tiresome, but for some reason I was enjoying the freshness of it. There was one day I had to meet my professor in the center square. It looked like a nice day, so I dressed for sun – oops! I got to the center just in time to seek shelter at the theatre before the skys opened up. It rained. Like it really really rained. The water was coming down in sheets, I remember standing there getting a little bit frustrated – MORE rain?! I was going to be soaked, I couldn’t walk in my sandals in the rain, I just washed my hair… and then the positive thinking kicked in – I saw a man carry his girlfriend across the square because there was a 2 foot deep puddle and then I started to laugh. Everyone standing under the roof of the theatre stared at me as if I was crazy, but I just kept on laughing – I was laughing because it was just water, and it meant the grass would be more green, and eventually there would be flowers, and my clothes, and hair would dry.
Accentuating the positives in every situation has meant that I haven’t had any bad days here in Ukraine. The few rough moments quickly turned into an opportunity to look for the silver lining which was a wonderful distraction from the crappiness of the moment.
I have really enjoyed the challenge of staying positive for 4 months! I think that because of this I have witnessed and experienced precious fleeting moments that are too often missed when we are occupied with negatives. My commitment to staying positive and making the best of my time here has served me well – it has helped me to make this place home, to fall in love with a new family, and to devote myself to a job I didn’t think I was capable of doing. Enjoying every moment to the max is the reason why I don’t want to leave Ukraine.
My biggest positive thinking challenge is going to be finding the positives in leaving what I have found here behind. I am sure this is not going to be easy – but I have had 4 months of practice, so I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with something! I’ll let you know when I find the silver lining.
Stay positive!
*love*
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