Beauty is more than what's outside.... it's about lessons.

For some people at the Internat (nurses/workers) it is a job that pays money, and at the end of the day they go home. There are others, the rare gems that work there, and for them it is about enriching the lives of the girls. Bogdan is one such gem. He is kind of like a grandfather figure to the girls – teaching them songs, music, poems. I have “caught” him bring the girls fresh picked fruit, or candies of other little treats. Bogdan regularly tries to come up with events, or activities that will be new, interesting and stimulating for the girls. He loves to teach them new songs, and new dances and tries to find opportunities for them to showcase their talents. Bogdan really likes when the Canadian Students arrive because they are always full of new ideas for new moves, new events, and other ways to stimulate and enrich the lives of the Girls at the orphanage.

Through the translator that was with me for the first couple of days, Bogdan asked if I would help organize a few big events for the girls – I fully committed myself. Bogdan also asked if I would be willing to buy some materials for costumes and props if we staged a performance – and of course I agreed. Then Bogdan began to share some of his ideas – he wants to have a music night – wonderful! He wants to teach the girls some new dance moves – I can’t wait! He wants my ideas – I’m interested in having an “art show” and he saved the best for last – at the end of the summer he wants to have an INTERNAT BEAUTY COMPETITION!!! The sound of my heart hitting the floor was audible….

So Bogdan asked if I would be willing to buy the prizes for this beauty competition. SURE I’m up for buying prizes… no I’m not ok with supporting a beauty competition.

So at first I though about how we would go about choosing a winner. Who would be the judges, and what would the criteria be? And then I thought about prizing – how would it work? Could we give everyone a prize for being “beautiful”? Could everyone get a prize for being the “most beautiful” in their own category? Like she has the most beautiful eyes, she has the most beautiful smile, she has the most beautiful clothes…and still I found I was uncomfortable with the whole idea. It wasn’t about the prizes, it was deeper than that…

Ok, let me give you a vision from my first week at the orphanage (oh gosh I wish I had Dumbledore’s memory sieve…) the kids are pretty much left to their own devices from June 1st till September 1st as it is summer vacation and there are no formal lessons. The kids are allowed to mill about the grounds plying with balls, taking walks, gardening or whatever else suits them. At about one o’clock various shouts ring out ЇСТИ (yeeeestayyyyy – Eat!) it’s lunch time. The first time I half expected to be bowled over by the rush of kids into the dining hall, but this wasn’t the case. The younger kids went running, but many of the older girls (13-19) were adamant that they were not interested in lunch. For the next couple days I observed the younger kids go running, and the older kids hang their heads and skulk off. When I asked them why they didn’t want to eat they looked away and told me Я не хотчу (ya neh hotchu – I don’t want to) but didn’t go into any other explanation. The next time my translator was with me, I made sure we were there at lunch time, and asked if he knew anything about this strange occurrence. Orest didn’t have to ask, apparently this had been going on for a while – they all want to be on diets!

Ok, now come back to the proposal of a beauty contest. The orphanage is removed from society. The girls are not even a little bit integrated into the society at large. They live in seclusion with older women as their teachers and role models. Their only connection to the “outside world” is the occasional field trip, and (heaven help us) television – and from that they have already gleaned that they need to be skinny and beautiful in order to be “normal”. We have accepted that this idea exists in our western culture and society, but for some reason it is so much more disturbing that this value system has infected this remote location as well.

I felt guilty that I was so opposed to an “innocent” idea that was intended to be fun and enjoyable for the girls. I realized that Bogdan only had the girls’ best interest at heart, but there was still something nagging… So after a couple hours of pondering and reflection I realized why it is that the idea of a beauty contest didn’t sit right with me: it’s not about judging and choosing a winner. It wasn’t about the prizes: sure we can give everyone a prize and make them feel good about that special quality that they possess (although part of me thinks that the girls aren’t stupid and would catch on…). I realized that my issue was much more big picture. To host an event like a beauty pageant encourages the girls to be “beautiful” in whatever way they think beauty is best defined – undoubtly their idea of what is beautiful has been propagated and poisoned by television. The fact that the people they look up to, care for and respect (Bogdan and the “Canadian Students”) are the ones suggesting this event also suggests that we hold in beauty high regard – as something to be strived for an achieved. Although the event may be enjoyable for the girls in the moment, the longer lasting life lessons that this type of event teaches them (I think) is unbelievably damaging.

Yes I am here (in Ukraine, at the orphanage) to help enrich the lives of the girls, but I am convinced that this type of event is NOT at all enriching and I would be more comfortable with not organizing an event at ALL rather than organizing this type of event. I have suggested that instead of having a “beauty pageant” we stage a talent contest, or an art show that focuses the girls on attaining skills rather than striving for “beauty”.

Am I just a stick in the mud? (I'd love to hear from you....)

*love*