DON'T talk to strangers?!?!?!

Most parents teach their children not to talk to strangers. Parents do this in order to protect their children from strangers who might in fact be predators looking to harm the child in some way. My family had an awfully difficult time impressing this lesson upon me (you shouldn’t be that surprised). When I was of school age my morning walk to school was usually a source of great anxiety for my family because I wanted to hug and kiss everyone who walked by; my favourite people on my way to school were the Garbage collectors (all men at that time). We tell stories now about me chasing the garbage truck to get my hug and kiss from each of the men! I vividly remember being chastised for this: “Denise don’t hug and kiss strangers!!” To which I would always reply “they AREN'T strangers, they are my friends!!”

Last night I lay in bed thinking about connecting with people and uncovered another piece of my personal philosophy: I am intrigued but the potential for connection in every interaction. I believe that every interaction holds the potential for a connection and moreover, a positive outcome. (Like the chicken and the egg) I am not sure whether I think this way because I am a humanist/Humanitarian, or if I became a humanist/Humanitarian because I have always thought this way, but I believe that every human being in the world has something positive to offer or share with every other human – however small or large.

Some of you have received one of my “e-troductions” – I will often send a little note introducing friend A to friend B by telling them a little bit about each other and explaining what they have in common and how they might be able to help each other. My goal is to create space for positive interactions that benefit all people directly involved as well as add to a collective consciousness that moves in the direction of positively impacting the world as a whole. Some of you think I’m crazy when I do this, but those of you that have followed up on them realize quickly that it can be helpful to connect with someone who is travelling a similar path (PS: Mike, have you sent that E-mail yet?!).

I still haven’t learned my lesson about strangers, and I’m all the better for it. Here in Ukraine I have made some unlikely friends with people :

William the Welshman – William was a wonderful (albeit very drunk man) Mike and I met one night while out at the bar. He was charming, and entertaining. William told us about hie time spent as a soldier, losing his friends, marrying, divorcing, remarrying, divorcing and remarrying, he told us about his children, and his family. For mike and I he added distraction from a very unfortunate event, and livened up a lethargic evening. Sadly we haven’t heard from William again but the connection had a positive impact on Mike and I and we on him if only for one evening

Jim - Jim is an American I met yesterday at the train station. I heard him speaking English and struggling to find his way around, and instead of minding my own business I piped up “it’s nice to know I’m not the only one lost around here!” Jim has been in Ternopil for a month doing business (software design) but doesn’t speak a WORD of Ukrainian (this is a reoccurring trend with Americans, and slightly disappointing). Jim had a friend write out what he needed (a ticket on the next train to Budapest) but there was a problem at the ticket counter. It’s a good thing I had decided to talk to a stranger because I was able to help Jim and the ticket seller communicate and figure out his travel arrangements. Jim and I went for a walk afterwards and shared travel stories and reflections on Ukraine and Ternopil. For Jim the connection between him and I was essential to him getting to Budapest, and for me I had a positive 2 hours spent in the company of someone who spoke English and understood the reflections of a Westerner abroad.

André – my “friend at the bizarr” as my family calls him was one of the first “Ukrainian strangers” I connected with. I met André in the beginning of my trip. I walk through a small bizarre on my way home everyday and am always tempted by the wonderful fruit. In my first weeks purchasing things was a problem because I knew very little Ukrainian and still to this day struggle with numbers. Andre was kind and helpful he struggled to use long forgotten English training to help me and make me feel more at home. He always asked about my day, what I was learning and what kind of adventures I was up to. I have met his wife, and his son, and am always greeted warmly and treated with kindness. Now I don’t come home without fresh fruit from Andre. Our conversations have helped me significantly with my Ukrainian skills, he has connected me with some of his friends who have taken me sight seeing and taught me a lot about the culture here. For him I am a friendly face, a positive Canadian contact, and a loyal customer.

Slavic is my bus driver. Every day I take 2 busses to get to the orphanage the second of which is a tiny little bus driven (#33) by an older man (he said he’s been driving a bus for 44 years). A tidbit of information is that Ukrainians are very stoic – they don’t smile, they don’t talk to strangers, they don’t say thank you, or please, or excuse me. I have done my best to fit into the culture, but I refuse to give up smiling and salutations! Everyday when I get on the bus I greet my driver with a smile, and a friendly salutation and never depart with out a thank-you. Slavic caught on quick that I wasn’t from around here. We one day had a conversation about where I’m from and what I was doing there. Over the last 3 weeks our relationship has become more friendly – he gives me candies, I bring him cookies or treats, he sometimes wont accept a fare from me (despite my insistence) and always tries hard to engage in conversation. Today it was pouring rain out and the central dispatch called to tell Salvic he didn’t have to work for the rest of the day (the route to the Internat is not heavily travelled), and I happened to get on the bus on his last run. At my usual stop he told me not to get off – he was going to take me home. He said he wanted to take me out for coffee and show me the city. Truth be told, I was a little nervous at first just me alone on the bus with the driver and he was going to “take me out” because I really wasn’t sure of his intentions. I stayed on the bus… I don’t know enough Ukrainian to decline politely soooooo I went with it. Thank Goodness I did. Slavic drove me around the city showing me all sorts of new and interesting things. I then found out that we live a couple blocks from each other and he took me to a wonderful little bar run by a nice woman where we had coffee, and ice-cream and candies; Slavic introduced me to some of his friends. It was so nice to be out and meeting people and talking about their lives. He wouldn’t let me pay for anything, and insisted that he get my phone number s we can go out more often. Then he drove me home. I now look even ore forward to my commute knowing I have a friend along the way.

I realize that we all have to have our wits about us and be aware when engaging with people that we don’t know, but the vast majority of people out there are kind hearted and wonderful. I think I am writing this post to erase the idea of "stranger danger" and advertise how enriching a new connection can be. Human beings are social creatures (so we’ve all heard again and again) but that doesn’t mean being social just within out own groups, that involves being social and widening our networks. This adventure has really impressed upon my how big the world is and how much lies beyond our tiny little Canadian existance. I think that being a social creature dictates that we break out of our small reaities and socialize with all Humans.

I really enjoy these connections, and I enjoy the adventures that every interaction carries. Some of you, readers, are related to me so I had no choice but to know you, but many of you were at one time strangers (some of you still are!) – isn’t it wonderful that we didn’t listen to our parents?

Hugs and kisses cause you aren't strangers, you're my friends!

*love*