Unexpected lesson

Slow down, you’re moving too fast. You’ve got to make the morning last; just kicking down the coble stones, looking for fun and Feelin’ Groovy – Simon and Garfunkle 1966

Infinite wisdom contained in that short little verse.

My mission in life, and what drove me to get here has always been “to help others” (come hell or highwater). Carm Desantis (one of my [amazing] profs) always asked “Denise, what about self care?”. The question used to frusturate me because I really didn’t know what that was or how to achieve it I was always in the “help others" gear. In my Beyond borders interview Joanne asked “when you’re stressed and over worked, how do you take care of yourself?” and I responded “I look for more to take on because helping others charges my batteries”. My mission is still to help others (it takes up the bulk of my day especially here in Ukraine), but it seems to me that I have learned an unexpected lesson here in Ukraine: Self Care. It has come as a bit of surprise to me that while I am here in Ukraine carrying out the ultimate project (so far) of my life’s mission I have learned an awful lot about helping me.

At first I felt kind of guilty for “slowing down”. My first month and a half here was spent trying to keep myself busy and focused on the orphanage and ‘helping’ the girls. In doing so I was knocking my head against the wall and starting to feel like I wasn’t actually accomplishing anything. I had a week or so of struggle where I was doubting myself and my ability to accomplish ANYTHING during my time here.

Then this strange motivation came over me to focus some of my time inwards (I have no idea where this came from, it just happened organically). Then all of sudden within a week of being a little bit more self focused, it all clicked. I now have a renewed energy in regards to the Orphanage and the girls, I am feeling less defeatist and all of the things that I had been struggling with (like how to plan activities, where to get materials, a significant language barrier…) have just fallen into place.

It took me some time to be comfortable with the idea of spending sometime with myself and for myself; this is not a concept I am particularly used to. But, in watching the changes I realized quickly how effective "helping me" was in realtion to my helping of others! Now, I no longer feel guilty for taking the time out for me, and have learned over the last few weeks that if I care a little bit for me, I am so much better prepared to carry out my goals of helping others. Great things are happening at the orphanage and I am witnessing a change in the girls: how they act, how they interact, how they carry themselves… I'm excited to see this continue for the next 62 days.

Last night I watched “The Princess and the Frog” (my goodness I’ve forgotten how terrible Disney movies can be… ) but one of the messages that came through from Mama Odie was don’t focus on what you want (in my case to help others every waking second), but try and find what you really need (I needed self care to help me be more effective at helping others)

I hope that this lesson is something I can bring home with me and keep in the habit of doing. If not I will hear Carm's ever repeated message: “Denise what about self care?” and actually know what it is she is talking about!!


Personal accomplishments:

Completion of a paper that was due in NOVEMBER and getting an A+ on it

26 days of non smoking

Booking a backpacking trip to Poland and Prague

2 weeks of Running
13 days of training (2 days of rest)
Average run – 4.5km
Average direct Calorie burn 275

Total distance 55km
Total direct calorie burn 3519


Energized...

*love*